Folks, Bollywood star Akshay Kumar is just one-degree separated from being a harami-chor.
No question about it.
Just one-degree of separation between Akshay Kumar and a harami-chor.
Have all ye schmucks forgotten that Akshay Kumar’s Heyy Baby was a trashy lift of the Hollywood film Three Men and a Baby and how Akshay shamelessly benefited from that theft.
Well, shame is not a word you can use in the same sentence as Akshay Kumar.
So given Akshay Kumar’s dubious background and the imminent release of his new Hindi film Blue, we hotfooted over to Blockbuster and picked up Into the Blue ($2.03 for a 8-day rental) yesterday.
Because word on the street is that Blue is inspired (a politically correct word, eh) by Into the Blue.
Jessica Alba - God’s Gift
Guys, if you are like us and belong to the drooling junta, the only reason to watch Into the Blue is to ogle at Jessica Alba’s divine figure.
In creating Jessica Alba, God must have worked overtime (not absented himself as he did with Rani Mukerji).
Lovers Sam (Jessica Alba) and Jarred (Paul Walker) live on a dilapidated boat in the Bahamas with their dog.
Jarred dreams of finding a sunken pirate ship with gold while Sam works at an acquatic theme park.
One day as Jared and Sam are snorkelling in the blue waters of the Bahamas with their friends Bryce (Scott Caan) and Amanda (Ashley Scott), they come across artifacts from an old French pirate ship Zephyr.
Before you can say wow, on the sea-bed they also come across the wreck of a drug-trafficker’s airplane with tons of of cocaine in it.
With no money, Bryce and Amanda at first and later Jared too, see the cocaine in the plane wreck as their only hope for a proper excavation of the pirate ship Zephyr.
No sooner do they embark on the coke trip then the Law of Unintended Consequences is upon them in this predictably boring shit.
Some underwater fights, some shark attacks, some legs chopped off, some deaths.
Sure, the underwater scenes look pretty and the ocean in the Bahamas looks pristine and as enticingly attractive as Jessica Alba.
But there’s little else in Into the Blue that makes this an engrossing, must-watch film.
Nothing that keeps you glued to the screen in wide-eyed wonder.
Not the story. Not the action (not in the least terrifying despite the sharks and all).
And most certainly not the acting.
Overall, plain junk of a movie.
If the lightweight Into the Blue with its banal story, cast of non-actors and all is indeed the inspiration for Akshay Kumar’s Blue, it’s be a mighty shame this Diwali.
But certainly won’t be surprising given Akshay Kumar’s crappy and dubious record lately.
Treasure Has Its Price
Paul Walker and Jessica Alba are a pair of in-love Bahamas-dwelling naturalists; she wrangles sharks at a local water park, he shepherds tourist scuba divers around the local reefs. Their beach bum tranquillity gets a jolt when their fast-talking buddy (Scott Caan) and his drug-user girlfriend (Ashley Scott), come to visit. While out on a dive the foursome uncover what could be a dagger from an 18th century pirate ship, but nearby also happens to be a crashed plane laden with cocaine. Moral quandaries ensue, bad guys get wind of the drugs, guns come out, and the plot thickens.
Living an idyllic paradise lifestyle, Jared (Paul Walker) believes that he will one day find treasure beneath the seas of the Bahamas. Along with his girlfriend Sam (Jessica Alba) they spend their spare time diving for treasure, find a gold dagger from what could be the find of the century and when Jared's lawyer friend Bryce (Scott Caan) arrives for a holiday they stumble on a crashed plane whilst diving that had a cargo of cocaine. This cocaine could make them rich but the moral dilemma is obviously that it's illegal. What to do...
'Into The Blue' is a good guys versus the bad guys action movie but you're not always aware of just who is on whose side and who will turn. Whilst there is always the feeling that Jared and Sam will find their long-for treasure, it's the extreme measures they have to take to make their dream come true that happens a little too fast and a little too unrealistically, along with killing a few people along the way.
Paul Walker looks the part as the patient treasure hunter, happy to barely exist financially while searching for that elusive bounty and why wouldn't he when he has Jessica Alba at his side. Jessica spends most of the movie wearing only the smallest of bikinis, showing plenty of tanned skin, not much body fat and with a strong moral ethic. They make a good couple but that is threatened when Bryce arrives with his new drug-loving girlfriend of less than 24hours, Amanda (Ashley Scott), and sure enough everyone's honesty is soon tested. Greed is an essential part of the story and how that can make or break friendships.
There are plenty of underwater scenes including some tense moments involving sharks and lots of underwater breath-holding sequences - just how long can these people hold their breaths? Interspersed throughout are shots of some creatures from the deep, which add to the calming effect of the beautiful blue waters and the seemingly laid-back lifestyle.
'Into The Blue' doesn't have the power to enter it into the high seas category of movies but it is certainly entertaining enough and has a sufficient amount of action, drama and adventure to maintain some interest.
Rating : **½