Prior to giving birth to my children, I never thought I would be trying to make sure my kids stay conscious in their lives. I don't mean trying to make sure they don't fall down and knock themselves out. Of course, I don't want that to happen either, but anyway....
Truthfully, I had never heard the terms “being conscious”, or “staying present”, prior to having kids. That all changed when I read the book called Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting by Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn. This was my introduction to mindful parenting, and also my introduction to a whole new world. Learning to be present with my kids became even more of a priority as my kids got older. However, my top priority was working on being present with myself.
I have noticed that as long as I continue to work on myself in terms of growing and healing, I am able to help my kids stay present in their lives. When I am present with them, they learn to be present with themselves. If I were to model holding in my emotions and not allowing them to express their emotions, they learn to go inward and start the process of becoming unconscious. I do know that I was completely unconscious in my life prior to being blessed with my children. I thought I was rolling right along until I realized that something was really off.
I believe that the best parenting advice I can ever give anyone is to do your own healing work, and then everything else will fall into place. Simple? No, not by a long shot. However, most “parenting problems” are more about the parent than they are about the child. Just like Caesar, the dog whisperer, says about dogs and their owners-it is always about the owners and not so much about the dogs. I am definitely not comparing raising children to training dogs, it just reminded me of him when I wrote the above.
I think it is also very important for us to be present with any child that we come into contact with. Whenever my kids have friends over, I strive to be present with those children as well as my own. I have seen shock in some of them. They seem so shocked that an adult is treating them as an equal. Many of them say things that they might not say at home or at school. At first, I can see the look on their face of waiting for me to correct them, or to tell them they shouldn't say things like that. It feels good to be present to people that may not get that gift very often. I figure that even if I can be present for them just once, they can experience what it feels like and maybe it will stick with them.
Since losing my brother to suicide two years ago, I have made it my mission to heal myself while also sharing my experiences with as many people that will listen to me! I have a website where I share my experiences and my thoughts, if you would like to visit. My website is www.benurtured.com. I also have information about depression, homeopathy, meditation, unschooling, and more! Hope to see you there!