Find the best of Family Guy quotes on this page. If you have watched Family Guy, the movie, you will thoroughly enjoy this set of famous Family Guy quotes.
- Lois Griffin: Peter! You're bribing your daughter with a car?
Peter Griffin: Ah, c'mon, Lois, isn't 'bribe' just another word for 'love'?
- Brian Griffin: Ah, if my memory serves me, this is the physics department.
Chris Griffin: That would explain all the gravity.
- Peter Griffin: Brian, there's a message in my Alpha Bits. It says 'OOO'!
Brian Griffin: Peter, those are Cheerios.
- Meg Griffin: You could kill all the girls who are prettier than me.
Death: Well that would just leave England.
- Joe, I've had new neighbors before but none of them were half the man you are. And since you're half a man already, that splits them into some kind of fraction I can't even measure.
- Do these huggies make my ass look big?
- Chris, everything I say is a lie. Except that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that.
- OH! mmm yes oh god this is better than SEX!
- Tom, you're so deep in the closet you're finding Christmas presents.
- Brian Griffin: Face it Peter, you get competitive about everything.
Peter Griffin: I am so not competitive. In fact, I am the least non-competitive. So I win.
- Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you, very homosexually.
- Brothers and sisters fighting is as natural as a white mans dialogue in a Spike Lee movie.
Family Guy has been widely popular for its funny quotes and witticisms. I have put up a large collection of Family Guy quotes from the famous movie. Want to read them? Go on. If you want me to include your favorite quotes on this site, please fill out the quotation suggestion form.
Family Guy Quotes
Son, this is a big day for you. Today, you become the man of the house, because, when we get home, your mother is going to kill me.
Family Guy Quotes
Damn the toilet! It's made slaves of you all! It just sits there consuming other people's feces while contributing nothing of its own to society.
Family Guy Quotes
Gays don't vomit. They're a very clean people. And they've been that way ever since they came over to this country from France.
Family Guy Quotes
Oh no. I gotta fart, but I don't know which way to lean.
Family Guy Quotes
Kids, we just have to learn to accept this. Like one of those stories on Dateline where a family member suffers a horrible accident and becomes a burden on everybody. Sure, they pretend to be happy, but they're dead inside, they're dead. And that'll be our lives.
Family Guy Quotes
Well, as I always say, a family of freaks is better than no family at all.
Family Guy Quotes
It's a bird, it's a plane, it's a lower-middle class Irish family.
Family Guy Quotes
You're the worst thing to happen to musical theater since Andrew Lloyd Webber.
Family Guy Quotes
Brian: Face it Peter, you get competitive about everything.
Peter: I am so not competitive. In fact, I am the least non-competitive. So I win.
Family Guy Quotes
I don't want your Mom to worry alright? When she worries she starts saying things like 'I told you so' or 'Stop doing that I'm asleep'.
Family Guy Quotes
For God's sake, shake me. Shake me like a British nanny!
If you are a fan of Family Guy you are surely looking for funny Family Guy quotes. So here is a dose of quotes that are a riot.
- Chris Griffin: Where do you think you go when you die?
Southern boy: I learned from church that if you're good you go to heaven but if you're bad, you go to a place where the dead believe they're still living and they pray for death but death won't come.
Chris Griffin: UPN? - Oh, I must give you my e-mail address. It's loismustdie@yahoo.com.
- Forecast for tomorrow; a few sprinkles of genius with a chance of doom!
- Mother, life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get. Your life, on the other hand, is like this box of active grenades!
- This is life. So go and have a ball. Because the world don't move to the beat of just one drum. What might be right for you may not be right for some. You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have...my opening statement. Sit, Ubu, sit. Good dog.
- Remember, nothing says 'good job' like a firm, open-palm slap on the behind.
- Greg, I'm afraid you've earned four hours in the snake pit as punishment. And Jan, for tattling on your brother, you've earned a day in the chamber of fire.
- Come, ice cream. Come to my mouth. How dare you disobey me!
- I only drank so that the Statue of Liberty would take her clothes off.
- Oh, jeez, I spilled wine all over your shirt! You know what's good for getting stains out? Sex with another man.
- Lois, when I'm through with them, our kids will be so smart, they'll be able to program their own VCRs without spilling piping hot gravy all over myself.
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